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Greetings, one and all.
CASBRG is a creation of clan -+={[NEDM]}=+- on the Couch Athletics servers (shameless plug, play there if TF2F is full, or play there anyways!) and stands for Couch Athletics Serious Business Research Group.
The purpose of CASBRG is to scientifically find ways to play TF2 such that three ideals are achieved. When these ideals are realized, the method of play is known as Serious Business.
1) The player must have fun.
2) The fun must be contagious.
3) Serious players must get pissed off.
An optional ideal, which is used more often then not, is 4) The player must still succeed.
Normally, the most effective way to achieve these ideals is to play a class in a manner which avoids conventional means.
How can you tell that the ideals are met? If you continue for a full round with the same play style, you are having fun. If other players copy your play style, it is contagious. If people who do not follow your play style, or who have a lot of points, yell at you, they are pissed off. If you have a kill-death ratio >1, then you succeed.
In this first part, I will cover our research concerning the first three classes: Scout, Soldier, and Pyro.
Class 1: The Scout
There are several advantages that the Scout has over other classes. First, he has great speed. Second, he captures control points quickly. Third, he has both long and short range guns.
Therefore, to achieve Serious Business, it is necessary to remove one of the advantages. Now, his speed cannot be removed. That is constant. You could try standing still a lot, but that fails Ideal 1 (You must have fun). The second advantage can be negated by playing Scout on defense. This has been shown to achieve all four Ideals. Another method is to use only your baseball bat. In most cases, this only achieves the 3 Imperative Ideals, although in rare circumstances, the fourth can be realized.
For added Seriousness, try both. Play with only the Bat on Defense. It doesn't have to be a CP defense map. Play on a CTF map (especially CTF_2Fort, it's my favorite map for Serious Business), and just stay in your base, killing intruders. You'd be surprised how effective you can be.
Class 2: The Soldier
The Soldier is an explosive powerhouse. In the right hands, he can be molded into a flying killing machine. One second, he's on the ground; the next, he's high in the air, raining fire from the heavens.
Really, the advantages he has are his rockets and his extra health (175 is about average). Serious Business can be obtained through two methods. One is borderline, as it doesn't achieve Ideals 2 or 3 with enough regularity. However, it meets Ideal 1, so I will write it here anyways. For this one, use only your rockets, and use them thusly: You MUST Rocketjump into the air (Super Rocketjump is better), then fire while in midair. You MUST NOT shoot a Rocket at someone unless you are in the air. I call it Dive Bombing.
The less effective, but more Serious Business, method is to only use the Shotgun and Entrenching Tool. It is less fun, but does achieve all three Ideals, so it is Serious Business. In scientific studies, the Soldier class is the most difficult class to achieve Serious Business with.
The easiest way to achieve Ideal 3 is to be really, really, really good with Soldier. I know someone who is (it's not me. I'm terrible with the guy), and sometimes, I think he's cheating.
Class 3: The Pyro
All right. Time for my favorite class, hands down. Who wouldn't love a little pyromaniac running around with his NEW WEAPONS!!!!!! HELL YES!!!!!!!
OK, enough of that. Clan -+={[NEDM]}=+-, the founders of CASBRG, are almost all Pyros, so this is the only class that has team Serious Business
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Ha, I've played defensive scout using only my bat on 2Fort, and actually I think it was my best round with the most dominations and a KDR around 5 or 6.
I loved it when someone on the opposite team started calling me a noob.
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Great guide. Another way to achieve Serious Business with Pyro is to use the flamethrower only, but instead of continuously flaming victims, just puff them and run away. Extremely fun to do, people think wtf and you actually get a couple of kills out of it.
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As a pyro, use the air blast to push people off cliffs and into the way of trains. I've only done it once, but it was pretty funny.
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Will someone please get this to work?
When someone is doing that annoying "peek around the corner, shoot at a sentry, hide" business, just sneak behind them and air-blast them into the sentry. More fun than trains, because they worked so hard!
I'll add part 2 tomorrow, I think.
Once I get through the classes, I think I will add a part on how to be a douchbag with the engineer.
I mean, teleporter shenanigans, terrible sentry spots, etc.
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All right, due to popular demand (or, because it must be done!), here is part 2: The Defensive Classes.
Class 4: The Demoman
This is, possibly, the only class I have seen achieve Serious Business while playing seriously. There are some people who play completely seriously, in a manner that is not using the primary weapon, and tops the team almost all the time. These people are "sticky n00bs." They are not n00bs in reality, but we hate them so much that we use the term anyways. Sticky n00bs will use only the sticky bombs, and never use grenades. Now, everyone knows that stickies are the best for killing sentries, but if used properly, you can kill anyone. All it takes is patience and knowledge of human nature. Most people will give chase, so you lay a sticky where they will run, then blow it up! Instant sticky n00b. Now, there are more uses for stickies, but by using them exclusively, you become a sticky n00b.
My preferred method of play is grenades and bottle. Remember, though, that the bottle is my primary. I use grenades when other players run away.
Another annoying thing you can do is Super Stickyjump and drop grenades from on high, which is even more like Divebombing than with Soldier.
For ambiance, try singing this song to the tune of the Spiderman theme.
Demoman, Demoman
Does whatever a demo can
Chugs whiskey
Blows stuff up
He'll drink your blood
Out of a cup
Look out...
Here comes the Demoman!
http://www.tf2comic.fr/php/index.php?p=12
Class 5: Heavy Weapons Guy
Oh, I'm sure that most of you have seen someone running around with their fists out, being mostly useless. That is known as Fist Patrol, as you may be aware. Some people do not know this name, but still use the style. If you have a mic while Fist Patrolling, you are encouraged to say "Feest Patrol!" in the mic after every kill. It adds to the intimidation. Also, if you get a medic to heal you, get your gun out, be useful until he gets an Uber, find a sentry that wants to die, then switch to fists. It is totally worth wasting the Uber to fist a sentry.
The fists are actually the best way to annoy snipers. Just stand in front of them and punch them.
A modified version allows for use of the shotgun, which adds more murder, but detracts from the mystique.
Another method is simpler, but still effective. Just stand next to a dispenser and spray bullets. Eventually, you will have shot so many bullets that you will crit about half the time. Remember, though, that you can die. Snipers are not your friend. If you see one, either move or taunt. Taunting is just for the lulz, though.
Class 6: Engineer
Where do I start with this guy? With so much stuff at his disposal, the possibilities are so large that I will dedicate a post to only building use. Here, I will stick with weapon usage.
With three adequate weapons, the Engineer is in need of help from his buildings. Or is he? The John-gineer is an Engineer who has torn himself away from his precious creations and has decided to make a name for himself. A John-gineer will use only his shotgun, pistol, and wrench, without ever resorting to the crutch of construction.
A derivation of the John-gineer is Teh Halolz. With this, you forsake the shotgun completely. Remember, the pistol works long range and has 212 bullets. When enemies are closer, crunch them with the wrench. This style is so named because the two most used weapons in Halo are the pistol for sniping, and the melee attack for up close.
Well, that was much shorter. Tomorrow, I will wrap up this part with the unique scientific research on the Support Classes. A sneak peek: Medics get all the fun.
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